Thursday, November 30, 2017

Monday, November 27, 2017

Die Harder

A couple years ago I finally gave in and conceded that Die Hard can be considered a Christmas movie, so now it's in our annual rotation. On Black Friday we're decorating the house and have this conversation.

Hubs: Let's get this done so we can relax later.
Me: And watch a movie.
Hubs: We can finish The Shining.
Me: I was actually going to suggest Die Hard.
Hubs: You want to have sex, don't you?

Monday, November 20, 2017

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! (Best Friend)

Hubs and I are watching a Planet Earth special and the narrator is explaining the meteorological phenomenon of diamond dust.

Me: I want some diamond dust.
Hubs: Go to the strip club.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Monday, November 13, 2017

Children of the Corn

We're about to take my daughters and my niece through a corn maze.

My dad: What happens if we lose one of them?
Me: We pay less for dinner.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Not His Place

Hubs and I are on a road trip and stop at a travel center. I didn't realize it was arranged in a circle and didn't pay attention to where we were wandering and was confused when the exit wasn't where I thought it should be. That's where Hubs comes in handy.

Me: I would've walked around that loop for an hour.
Hubs: Wow. You have amazing book smarts.
Me: If by "book smarts" you mean "ass"...
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
_______________________________

We get back in the car and I spot a bag of McDonald's trash in my floorboard.

Me: Dammit! Why didn't I throw that away just now? Dumbass.
Hubs: Who am I to argue?

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Leaves of Three, Leave Them Be

Some days I'm really glad I don't have sons.



Monday, November 6, 2017

Anti-Anti-Vaxx

There were vaccines going around our chat group recently.



Friday, November 3, 2017

Basic Bitch

I'm glad we were all on the same page here.




Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Time Flies When You're... Nevermind

My best friend recently reevaluated her life, quit her god-awful job, and is starting her own business. We were discussing her path.

Jen: So I'm still at work, writing this report, and it's Friday night and I'm pissed at being there -- well, I guess it was actually Friday evening, not Friday night-- and I'm sitting there hating my job -- okay, so it may have been, like, 5:02 -- but still...