Thursday, May 31, 2018

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Sounds Like...

Hubs and I are playing Password.

Me: Car
Hubs: Drive
Me: Accident
Hubs: Insurance
Me: Wreck
Hubs: Um. . . hurt?
Me: Onomatopoeia
Hubs: Which one is that?
Me: Where the word is a sound. Comic book stuff like pow or wham.
Hubs: Oh. [pause] Skid.
Me: Skid? Seriously? When you slide on the pavement, do your feet go skiiiiiid? Onomatopoeia, motherfucker!

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Trading up

Preface: Hubs is bald

Me: Today at work an eighty-three-year-old man told me I was a pretty little thing and asked if I was married.
Hubs: Man. You could've made some money off that.
Me: But eighty-three?
Him: That's old. You could wait him out.
Me: He did have a full head of hair...

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Amazing is as Amazing Does

Me: I'm hungry. And thirsty.
Hubs: Anything else?
Me: And AMAZING.
Hubs: I was looking for things that are true.

Mere seconds later he pisses me off, then turns away to look out the car window. As soon as he turns back I smack him.

Me: I waited til you turned around because I wanted you to see it coming.
Hubs: [mouth agape] That was kind of amazing.
Me: I told you.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Jiminy Cricket

I've been invited to a bachelorette party that will involve strippers, which is a first for me. 






Tuesday, May 1, 2018