Though She Be But Little She Hath Bread

The woman who started this thread is 5'10". In contrast, I am 5'2".

Tomato, Tomato

We're watching a TV show where a character can request any dish she's ever eaten and loved. 

Hubs: I'd ask for that stuff we had in Prague. The warthog soup or whatever it was.

Me: It was wild boar goulash. 

Hubs: Yeah... That sounds more appetizing.

For more of Hubs's word flubs, click here. 

Christmas Spirits

I am determined to avoid the following scenario this year. 

Bougie Fruits

I love (shameless link to) Harry & David pears and order them every few Christmases. This year was one of them and of course I left the house about thirty minutes before they hit the porch.

We Can All Use a Hand

Pumpkins are the most encouraging of the gourds. Don't expect a boost from a canteloupe, though.

Silence of the Lambs

It is every parent's fundamental right to bore (read: scar) their children with "back in my day" stories. 

Me: When I was in high school, the farm kids told me that if a sheep wouldn't stand still for judging, they could startle it into submission by barely sticking a thumb up its butt.

Daughters: [mortified to the point of vocal paralysis] 

Hubs: How do you think I got you two to stay still for baby photos?

Daughters: [actually die] 

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This is why group chats exist.