Buckeyes

Me:  Ohio State Buckeyes.  Excuse me, THE Ohio State Buckeyes.  What a bulls*** mascot.  Is that supposed to inspire fear?  All hail the mighty nut!
Hubs:  We had a buckeye tree in our yard when I was little.
Me:  Exactly!  And were you afraid of it?
Hubs:  Terrified.

Pinto Beans

Hubs:  Do you know why I don't eat pinto beans anymore? Because you took my soul, my free time, my likes and dislikes, and my eating habits away from me.

Benadryl

Hubs:  Let's go do it.
Me:  I just want to sleep.
Hubs:  I'll be quick.
Me:  No, seriously.  I just want to go to sleep.
Hubs:  Well, if we time it just right. . .
Me:  Here's an idea: I'll take an extra benadryl before I go to bed.  Give me about two hours, and then come on in.  I won't even know you're there.
Hubs:  I'm getting tired of doing that.

SNL

Me:  Who was the host on that SNL we haven't watched yet?  Tatum Channing?
Hubs:  It's Channing Tatum.
Me:  Why do you know that?
Hubs:  Um, because he's f***ing dreamy?

McDonald's

As we were pulling up to McDonald's to satisfy our fountain Coke addiction, we noticed that the restaurant was dark.  There was a fire truck and an ambulance in the parking lot, both with their lights flashing.

Hubs:  Dammit!  Did some fatty die eating a Big Mac?

Telekinesis

Me:  Why don't you get me a popsicle?
Hubs:  Why don't you make me a sandwich?
Me:  Seriously.  Get me a popsicle.
Hubs:  I'm not getting off this couch.
Me:  Then telekinesis me a popsicle.
Hubs:  You can telekinesis deez nuts.

Shakira

Hubs:  Why are you obsessed with Shakira?
Me:  I'm not.
Hubs:  I'm pretty sure you once said you'd leave me for her if you had the chance.
Me:  That was before we had the baby.