Life Insurance

Hubs:  I got a notice today that my life insurance policy went up to (amount).
Me:  Ooh!  I didn't know it was that high.
Hubs:  Um, yeah... Did I say (amount)?  I meant six hundred dollars.
Me:  Well, it's six hundred bucks I don't have now.
Hubs:  Remind me to google "how to check brake lines".
Me:  Just look up my search history.  You can follow the directions in reverse, right?

Interior Design

We're at Ikea and I'm trying to choose a lamp shade.

Me:  That whole room is grey and black, so it might be safest to go with the black and white shade.  Or that grey one over there.  On the other hand, the flowered one would bring a big splash of color, which might be nice.  What do you think?
Hubs:  I don't know.  I left my vagina at home.

Lotion

It's winter and our house is dry.  I convinced Hubs several years ago to do deep moisturizing treatments on his hands to keep them from cracking.  Last night was our first treatment of the season.

Via text today:
Me:  Don't forget to keep up with the lotion today.  Don't let your hands dry out.
Hubs:  It puts the lotion in the basket.
Me:  Divorce.