Dormouse

Texts with my mom are the best.

Marty McFly

My dad: Man, I wish I could go back in time to before we had kids so I could avoid making that mistake again. 
Me: You and me both.

Teaching Me a Lesson

Hubs finally incorporated voice activation into our home alarm system, and has just used it to arm the house.

Hubs: Man, that was so much easier. I used to have to get out my phone and start the app and then find the right page...
Me: [rolling my eyes] Oh my god, I know. It was sooo difficult before.
Hubs: Don't ruin my day by making me smack you.

Hopelessly Obsessed

Our daughters are obsessed with Shakira's new song "Try Everything" from the movie Zootopia. We've just listened to it five times on repeat in the car. 

Hubs: Well, I guess I'm going to be dreaming about Shakira tonight.
Me: Hey, as long as I'm the third, that's okay.
Hubs: Score! That's happening!


For more Shakira, click here or here or here

Entering My Golden Years

Hubs and I are sitting on the living room floor playing dominoes. I keep fussing with the throw pillows I'm leaning against until I finally get comfortable and apparently my sigh of relief suggested pure ecstasy. 

Hubs: You making it over there? Get settled in?

Me: Yes, finally. I just have trouble sitting on the floor because -- OH MY GOD I JUST GOT OLD! THAT'S WHAT JUST HAPPENED! YOU SAW IT HAPPEN!

Cat House in a Rat Trap

We recently took a trip to Disney World, where we noticed this restaurant:


 


Me: Is it me, or does that sound like the name of an old west brothel?
My dad: If it were a brothel, it would be spelled W-H-O-R-S-E.

That Escalated Quickly

I've solicited advice from a neighborhood group about how to repay Hubs for letting me sleep til 3pm one Saturday while he watched our kids. The suggestions were rather varied.

Round Peg in a Square Hole

Hubs seems to have a mental block when it comes to remembering where we store things in our kitchen. And bathrooms. And our daughters' bedrooms. And our attic. And anyplace else we can store things. We're emptying the dishwasher and he's attempting to put away the clean Tupperware.

Me: What are you doing? Why would you try to put a round container inside a rectangular one?
Hubs: I couldn't find any others like this, so I just thought I'd put it here.
Me: Look to the left.
Hubs: Oh. I didn't see those.
Me: You don't say.
Hubs: I was just trying to put it with others like it. . .
Me: Oh, so you put it with the square circles. That makes sense.

Making America Great Again

Our parents are discussing interesting (aka disgusting) things they've eaten.

My mom: We grew up eating beef tongue. It's just like roast beef.
Hubs's mom: That's really popular among Hispanics.
Hubs: That's disgusting.
Hubs's mom: No, really. I used to work with a woman from Mexico and she said they ate it all the time.
Hubs: That's fine. They can eat it on their side of the wall.