Thursday, November 30, 2017
Monday, November 27, 2017
Die Harder
A couple years ago I finally gave in and conceded that Die Hard can be considered a Christmas movie, so now it's in our annual rotation. On Black Friday we're decorating the house and have this conversation.
Hubs: Let's get this done so we can relax later.
Me: And watch a movie.
Hubs: We can finish The Shining.
Me: I was actually going to suggest Die Hard.
Hubs: You want to have sex, don't you?
Hubs: Let's get this done so we can relax later.
Me: And watch a movie.
Hubs: We can finish The Shining.
Me: I was actually going to suggest Die Hard.
Hubs: You want to have sex, don't you?
Monday, November 20, 2017
GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! (Best Friend)
Hubs and I are watching a Planet Earth special and the narrator is explaining the meteorological phenomenon of diamond dust.
Me: I want some diamond dust.
Hubs: Go to the strip club.
Me: I want some diamond dust.
Hubs: Go to the strip club.
Friday, November 17, 2017
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Monday, November 13, 2017
Children of the Corn
We're about to take my daughters and my niece through a corn maze.
My dad: What happens if we lose one of them?
Me: We pay less for dinner.
My dad: What happens if we lose one of them?
Me: We pay less for dinner.
Friday, November 10, 2017
Not His Place
Hubs and I are on a road trip and stop at a travel center. I didn't realize it was arranged in a circle and didn't pay attention to where we were wandering and was confused when the exit wasn't where I thought it should be. That's where Hubs comes in handy.
Me: I would've walked around that loop for an hour.
Hubs: Wow. You have amazing book smarts.
Me: If by "book smarts" you mean "ass"...
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
_______________________________
We get back in the car and I spot a bag of McDonald's trash in my floorboard.
Me: Dammit! Why didn't I throw that away just now? Dumbass.
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
Me: I would've walked around that loop for an hour.
Hubs: Wow. You have amazing book smarts.
Me: If by "book smarts" you mean "ass"...
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
_______________________________
We get back in the car and I spot a bag of McDonald's trash in my floorboard.
Me: Dammit! Why didn't I throw that away just now? Dumbass.
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Monday, November 6, 2017
Friday, November 3, 2017
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
Time Flies When You're... Nevermind
My best friend recently reevaluated her life, quit her god-awful job, and is starting her own business. We were discussing her path.
Jen: So I'm still at work, writing this report, and it's Friday night and I'm pissed at being there -- well, I guess it was actually Friday evening, not Friday night-- and I'm sitting there hating my job -- okay, so it may have been, like, 5:02 -- but still...
Jen: So I'm still at work, writing this report, and it's Friday night and I'm pissed at being there -- well, I guess it was actually Friday evening, not Friday night-- and I'm sitting there hating my job -- okay, so it may have been, like, 5:02 -- but still...