These Are the People in Your Neighborhood, Part Five

People post the strangest things on neighborhood Facebook pages.

For more stories from my neighborhood, click here or here or here or here.

New Ride

I'm short. Just plain short.

Priorities

I'm trying to explain one of my pet peeves to Hubs but he insists on being an ass about it.

Me: If I didn't value my phone more than I value you, I'd throw it at you.

Called Out

Driving on back roads one night, I found this little guy:

The next day brought this:

Size Matters, Part Five

Hubs: I have a question that I can really only ask you.
Me: Ugh. It's the perfect size and I'm satisfied.
Hubs: No, no, no. I have plenty of people I could ask about that.


For more inappropriate Size Matters, see: here or here or here or here or here.

Spousal Support

Hubs is incredibly helpful.

Aquaman

We're discussing my crush on Tommy Shelby when Hubs starts asking about other actors.

Hubs: What about Jon Snow? Isn't he every woman's dream?
Me: Meh. He's attractive, yes, but whatever.
Hubs: Aquaman? What's his name?
Me: Jason Momoa? [I surprise myself by following his name with an uncontrollable feral growl]
Hubs: [jumping back] Good lord. That came up from your soul.
Me: It was, um, farther south than that.
Hubs: That sound didn't come from your mouth at all, did it?
Me: Nope. Just opened it so I wouldn't look suspicious.

Hey Hey Hey

Search Party

Pube Crickets

During my recent trip to Chippendale's, I texted the husband of one of the other women in our party.

For more stripper tales and pube crickets, click here.

Savoir Faire