We're talking about memorial service arrangements for my recently deceased grandfather, and about funerals in general. Hubs wants nothing to do with any of it and says he's going to fake his death.
Me: Just as long as I get the life insurance.
Hubs: Wow. It's always straight to the life insurance with you.
Me: I'm just saying if you're going to disappear and leave me alone with two kids, there better be something in it for me. I mean, other than a new lease on life.
Hubs and I are having a dispute about the correct way to do something.
Hubs: But I've been yelled at for doing it that way.
Me: I don’t care. I'm your wife, we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, and I trump everyone else.
Hubs: You trump my mistress?
My parents are preparing for a two-week Mediterranean cruise.
My mom: We're not packing separate bags. The travel agent says to make each bag half mine and half your dad's; if one bag gets lost, we'll both still have clothes. It's called cross packing.
Hubs: That happened to me in Paris. I had to go buy pants and some shirts so I could work.
Mom: Yeah, you didn't have anyone to cross dress with.
Hubs: Want to know why I'm so hairy?
Me: Why?
Hubs: Because I drink bourbon. It puts hair on your chest.
Me: How do you explain your back?
Hubs: I've had some cheap bourbon.
