I'm Just Gonna Leave This Here. . .

Holy inappropriate joke, Batman. I texted someone (who shall remain unnamed) about the fallout from my daughter's encounter with some chocolate.

Where There's a Will, There's. . . Money

We see a car in an oncoming lane that has streamers and balloons attached to the back. 

Me: What do you think: wedding or graduation?
Hubs: It's black and white, so I'm thinking funeral.
Me: Like, "Woohoo! Glad she's dead!"?
Hubs: Yeah. Like, "I'm rich, biotch!"

You've Got the Look

Hubs has just said something particularly insulting and I shoot him my most withering glare.

Hubs: I only said that because I knew you'd get that look on your face. I don't get it to see it that often anymore.
Me: Well. . . because usually I just laugh and high-five you.

Ask an Expert

Hubs: You don't have to be mad just because you're wrong. It won't kill you.
Me: Well, you would know.

Livin' La Vida Loca

Text from a friend

Journalistic Instincts

I notice an elderly patient staring intently at my neck while we're talking. He finally says something.

Him: I'm sorry I'm staring, but your necklace is beautiful. Is there any significance?
[We discuss it briefly.]
Him: Well, I'm a retired journalist so I'm curious about things, and I've learned to just ask.
Me: There's no harm in that. I mean, if I'm wearing it in public it's probably not a reminder of some horrible something.
Him: That's true. But you never know when someone might say, "Oh, yeah, I got it from a whorehouse."

Effen Wasted