Arachnophobia

We're at my parents' cabin and I've just turned off the shower when I spot a wolf spider on my leg. I smack it with my towel, it disappears, and fearing that it might be clinging to a fold in the terry cloth, I drop the towel on the floor. I'm now standing wet and naked in the tub with no plan for escape.

Me: PAAAAUUUULLL! COME FIND THE SPIDER!
My dad: Is this some game you two play? Do I need to take the kids outside?

Everything in Moderation

I recently attempted a three-day cleanse. I made it through breakfast on day two. Willpower isn't exactly my strong suit and, let's be honest, I love to eat. I fessed up to my dad when we were trying to make dinner plans.

The Don of Dom

After a wee bit of champagne:

Me: I'm feeling chattier and zippier than I have in days.
Hubs: I have that effect on women. But it's more like they chat and then they zip. Away.

Show and Tell

Hubs: Come here. I have something to show you. [Pause] It rhymes with pass.
Me: I figured it would rhyme with pick.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Getting Away with Murder

I posted this in our neighborhood Facebook group.

I Want You to Want Me

We're going to Target for one specific purchase.

Hubs: I reserve the right to browse the electronics.
Me: Well, I reserve the right to browse anything I want.
Hubs: [points at himself] Like thissss?
Me: I said anything I want.