Put the Needle on the...

Our 6yo daughter had some issues with her earrings a couple months ago. Namely that I wasn't paying attention and allowed her lobe to grow over the earring back and I had to get my boss to surgically remove it.

My mom: When can she get her ears pierced again?
Me: Around her birthday. Im taking her to a tattoo place this time to do it right.
Hubs: You're taking my six-year-old to a tattoo parlor?
Me: No. She'll be seven.

Lock up Your Daughters

I love people who have a realistic view of their own children.

Sexual Currency

Hubs and I met on eHarmony (as our 4yo would say, "Don't judge me") in 2006. I had no idea that he had saved the entirety of our electronic communication -- until he printed it all out and gave it to me for our tenth wedding anniversary last week. I know this blog sometimes makes him sound like a horrible person but by golly, the man is amazing. Once I stopped crying, I texted my mom.

By the Balls

We had a little power blip in the neighborhood the other day.

Sex and Violins

More awesome texting with my mom.

Yertle

We're in the car when a Wilson Phillips song comes on. I immediately crank it up and start singing along.

Hubs: I can feel my penis shrinking. It's like a scared turtle right now.

Bullseye

I'm handing my paycheck to Target when the cashier notices that my mascara is about to be thrown in a bag of bulky winter boots and a cart full of other stuff I didn't intend to buy. My kids have been all over the place, the trip has already taken three times longer than anticipated, and my 6yo is starting to cry because her sister picked out the wrong kind of candy corn.

Cashier: Do you want to put the mascara in your purse?
Me: Oh. Um. I guess... Sure. [pause] And thank you for thinking I have standards.