Indiana Jones

Me:  The new Indiana Jones is coming on next. You don't want to watch that, do you?
Hubs:  It has that Shabonga Shebangabang kid in it.
Me:  Shia LeBeouf?
Hubs:  That's the one.

Scooters

Me:  I just saw a logo for some new city campaign.  It's the outline of a guy on a scooter and it says, "Scoot Around Lexington."  I wonder who started that movement.
Hubs:  The movement will shrink with each death.

Vaseline

Hubs, watching me put Vaseline on my face:  How long have you had that stuff?  Isn't it expired?
Me:  It's ass fat from a Tyrannosaurus Rex.  Pretty sure it'll keep a little longer.

Paula Deen

Me:  Everything's better with butter.
Cousin:  And then you die.

Color What?

We saw a commercial for Touch of Gray men's hair color.

Hubs, who's bald:  I want to try Touch of Hair.

Good Parenting

Me:  Can you watch the baby for a minute?
Hubs:  Sure.  [pours a glass of bourbon]
Me:  Um. . .

That's Not Ice Cream

Me:  Kroger gave us a coupon for Haagen-Dazs.
Hubs:  That's disgusting. They don't sell Haagen-Dazs at Kroger.
Me:  What are you talking about?
Hubs: Oh. . . I was thinking of haggis.

Zombie Apocalypse

Me:  If I turn into a zombie, you'll kill me, right?
Hubs:  I guess... If that's what you want.
Me:  Just try not to do it in front of the kids, but, you know.  You gotta do what you gotta do.

Crocodile

Hubs and I were watching a Nat Geo thing about the largest crocodile ever caught (20 feet), and the largest one ever spotted (30 feet).

Me:  Our living room is 17 feet wide.
Hubs, stepping three feet into the kitchen to gauge 20 feet:  Holy crap.
Me:  Can you imagine running into something like that?  I'd shit myself.
Hubs:  You'd die.
Me:  I'd shit myself and then die.