Me: Hey! Just got a notification that my Amazon stuff arrived. I ordered a surprise for us! Don't get excited. But it is something useful.
Hubs: I didn't know they sold sister wives on Amazon.
Me: They sell everything on Amazon.
Hubs: Do we have to put her together?
Me: It said "some assembly required".
For more of our witty polygamy banter, click here or here or here.
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Monday, July 29, 2019
Whenever, Wherever
Me: You know what's most impressive about Shakira? She had to write all her songs twice. They rhyme in English and Spanish.
Hubs: True. But what about her hips?
Me: They translate themselves.
Hubs: They're universal.
Yes, I'm still obsessed. For more Shakira, click here or here or here or here or here.
Hubs: True. But what about her hips?
Me: They translate themselves.
Hubs: They're universal.
Yes, I'm still obsessed. For more Shakira, click here or here or here or here or here.
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Silence is Golden
It's a lazy Sunday morning and after getting dressed Hubs crawls back into bed with me for a minute.
Hubs: How can you just be laying there doing nothing, and you just woke up, and you're still sexy?
Me: Probably because I'm not talking yet.
Hubs: That's a good start.
Hubs: How can you just be laying there doing nothing, and you just woke up, and you're still sexy?
Me: Probably because I'm not talking yet.
Hubs: That's a good start.
Monday, July 22, 2019
My Eyes Are Up Here!
We're at an amusement park when I spot the largest pair of breast implants I've ever seen outside of a documentary about mental disorders, aggressively testing the tensile strength of a tanktop that would've been snug on my six-year-old. I hiss at Hubs to check them out, and we start talking about the owner as soon as we're out of earshot.
Hubs: Wow.
Me: I know! They went from her collarbone to the bottom of her rib cage!
Hubs: WOW.
Me: Her lips were almost as big. She's had those done too.
Hubs: She had a face?
Me: Exactly.
Hubs: Wow.
Me: I know! They went from her collarbone to the bottom of her rib cage!
Hubs: WOW.
Me: Her lips were almost as big. She's had those done too.
Hubs: She had a face?
Me: Exactly.
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Belly Bombs
Me: Why do you like Krystal so much more than White Castle?
Hubs: Because they just put mustard and pickles on their burgers. They're perfect.
Me: Well, my... [laughing]. I almost said my "beef" with White Castle. My problem with White Castle --
Hubs: Well, aren't you punny?
Me: Yeah, except does White Castle actually use beef?
Hubs: It's brown. Just eat it.
Me: Gross.
Hubs: Actually I guess it's gray. Yum...
Hubs: Because they just put mustard and pickles on their burgers. They're perfect.
Me: Well, my... [laughing]. I almost said my "beef" with White Castle. My problem with White Castle --
Hubs: Well, aren't you punny?
Me: Yeah, except does White Castle actually use beef?
Hubs: It's brown. Just eat it.
Me: Gross.
Hubs: Actually I guess it's gray. Yum...
