Caveat Emptor

A friend purchased tickets for an event billed as a "rock orchestra."

Hindsight Really Is 20/20

Yes, these messages are related.

Ten-hut!

We're talking about showing livestock. 

Me: I don't know if it's true but the 4H kids at my high school swore they got the animals to stand at attention by barely sticking a finger up their butt.

Daughters: [horrified faces] 

Hubs: That's how I got you to stay still for your baby pictures.

Daughters: [die a little] 

Challenge Accepted

Just Answer the Question

Me: You're going to have to respond to the teacher's email.

Hubs: Why do I have to respond if you already did? 

Me: Because she wanted answers from both of us.

Hubs: Well, what are you writing?

Me: I don't know. I just answered the questions. 

Hubs: What did you say?

Me: Again, I just answered the questions. 

Hubs: She wrote a paragraph. Do I have to write a paragraph?

Me: I think you just write what you want to. 

Hubs: How are you addressing her? Are you saying first name or last name?

Me: You don't have to use her name. Just open with "hello" and start answering the first question. 

Hubs: Do I restate the question? 

Me: You have reached your maximum number of inquiries for this topic. 

You'll Never Get Me Lucky Charms

Hubs updated his brother about his discovery on HBO. 

 

 

You're the One Who Started It

When you get a spam text, you do what you gotta do. 

 

 

Surprisingly, they didn't respond after that. 
 

My Love Language

Hubs has been to Costco and sends a text. 

[It was a whole serrano ham on a carving rack. Absolutely shoop-worthy.]

Cryin' and Punishment

We're discussing the girls' history of punishments. 

9yo: Did I get put in time out a lot? 

Me: More than your [older] sister. 

9yo: What did she do to get punished? 

Me: Come to think of it, most of the times 12yo was put in timeout, it was because of something she did to you. 

9yo: So she was just mean to me? She didn't like me? 

Me: It wasn't that. I think it's just that she was perfect until you came along and rubbed off on her. 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Whaaa?

Hubs and I stumble across a bizarre movie from the early 70s. This is the twenty-minute mark. 

Hubs: Wait. 

Me: Did you see that? 

Hubs: Was that a --

Me: [gasps] There it is again! 

Hubs: That's a naked man doing karate. 

Me: This is what happens when Sears and Roebuck tells men to buy kimonos. 

Still Not Touched for the Very First Time

Our high schooler wants to check out a pop-up art show at a local comic book store. It's incredible crowded, so Hubs and little sister head outside while I brave the crowd. 

 

 

 

Caught in the Act

Me: I didn't know you had Twix in here.

Hubs [mumbles through his full mouth]: There's less than there used to be. 

Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat

Hubs: Have you seen all the John Wick movies?

Me: Uh...

Hubs: I know you've seen the first. Maybe the second? 

Me: I was going to say that I'll know when I see them but these movies are all just dark and there's constant shooting. I don't think I could tell the difference. 

Hubs: That's why they're so AMAZING. 

Not Seeing the Light

We're in bed and I'm reeeeally tired. I'm settling in and put my hands over my face for a minute. When I uncover my face again, I gasp with surprise.

Me: Ohmigod. I completely forgot the lights were off.
Hubs: That's it. You are officially the dumbest person I've ever met.

All Aboard

Me: I lost my train of thought but I swear I was going to say something. 

Hubs: I know. That's why I'm walking away.

Man of the House

Hubs and I are bickering when I give up and walk away.

Hubs: Will you please come back here and let me put you in your place? 

Oinking Oenophile

We've recently moved to a state where it's legal to sell wine at gas stations and grocery stores, which is new for us. I crack open a bottle. 

Me: This wine is terrible. I mean, absolutely horrid. 

Hubs: Did you get it at the One Stop?

Me: No! At the PIGGLY WIGGLY. I expected MORE. 

Hindsight

Hubs: That was the first question you asked me. "What's your salary?" 

Me: It was not. 

Also me: Shoulda been. 

Taking Direction

 Hubs got a new car.

Hubs: I was messing around with the car settings and settled on the Australian lady voice for all the navigation. I tried the British woman but she sounded stupid. Obviously I wasn't going to use a man.

Me: You just don't want another man telling you what to do.

Hubs: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DON'T.