Wallet

As we're getting ready to go grocery shopping

Hubs:  Let me go get my wallet.
Me:  Yup.  That's important.
Hubs:  I'm surprised you don't already have it.
Me:  I don't need to have it.  I can sense it; where it is, how much is in it.  It's like a vampire blood bond.  It tells me when it hurts because it's getting empty.

Family Planning

Hubs:  Speaking of babies, when are you going to squirt out number two?
Me:  Well, I don't know. . ?
Hubs starts laughing so hard he can't talk.
Me:  Don't you have to squirt out the baby before I can squirt out the baby?
Hubs, still laughing:  I said "squirt" and "number two" in the same sentence.
Me:  You know that's not actually how it works, right?  I can't poop out a baby.

BeeGees

Listening to a TV music station, we heard the BeeGees "Nights on Broadway", and realized that Jimmy Fallon had actually used a BeeGees song for his Barry Gibb Talk Show theme song (with new lyrics, of course).

BeeGees:  Well, I had to follow you.  Though you may not want me to.
Me:  That's creepy.
Hubs:  That sounds like a stalker.
Me:  The BeeGees were getting a little rapey.

Guy Problems

Hubs is changing positions on the couch when he cringes and grabs his crotch.

Hubs:  Sometimes you just move the wrong way and you get a pain in one of your nuts.
Me:  Um. . . okay. . .
Hubs:  It's right in the middle of my nut.
Me:  Is it in the nucleus of your nutsack?

Dirt Devil

Me:  We need to vacuum these chairs.  They're disgusting.
Hubs:  We could just Dirt Devil them.
Me:  Same difference.  Whatever.  So we'll Dirt Devil them.
Hubs:  You can Dirt Devil deez nuts.
Me:  Really?  You want to try that?
Hubs:  What settings does it have?
Me:  Have you seen the brushes on that thing?
Hubs:  It would be like a boxer going at a punching bag.