Me: That you won't stop talking about it?
Hubs: Besides that.
Our preschooler EB is standing in Hubs's lap eating a Rice Krispies treat.
EB: Snap, crackle, pop!
Hubs [grimacing]: I think she's talking about my nuts.
We're leaving dinner.
Hubs: Do you want to stop for anything on the way home? Drink? Snack?
Me: No, I'm full. But pleasantly full.
Hubs: That's my porn name. Pleasantly Full.
The baby has just broken the preschooler's princess headband and we're trying to keep her from freaking out.
Hubs: Anything your sister breaks, we can either fix or replace, sweetheart. [He pauses and sighs.] Unless it's Optimus Prime.
Me: What?
Hubs: My parents bought him before Transformers got popular and they stashed him away. By Christmas you couldn't find them anywhere so when I opened him up on Christmas morning I was SO EXCITED. Then an hour later I jumped off the couch and landed on him and broke his leg off. I cried and cried.
Me: Aww. How old were you?
Hubs: I don't know. Like fourteen?
I'm lying in bed watching Netflix on my tablet when Hubs walks in.
Hubs: Why aren't you watching that on the TV?
Me: Um. . . it hadn't occurred to me. And you're always yelling at me for not using my tablet enough. Apparently I can't do anything right technologically.
Hubs: Not with that attitude, you can't.
We're getting ready to go eat dinner. Hubs is wearing shorts and nothing else.
Hubs: I might just go like this. We might get a discount.
Me: Like a "Dear god just take it and get out of here" discount?
Hubs: Hey. A discount is a discount.
When Hubs and I were dating he made me a mix CD with the word jams in the title.
Me: The only mistake you made was not spelling Jams with a Z. Jamz. Like when Tara made the playlist of songs about butts and called it Ass Traxx. With two X's.
Hubs: Ah. Not just one X?
Me: No. That would've been stupid.
Me: I'm wearing my old glasses. They're not the right prescription and everything looks funny.
Hubs: So I look handsome?
Both of our daughters are crying.
Hubs: I'm moving to Mexico.
Me: Not if I beat you there.
We're talking about how happy our baby is.
Me: She sat in the yard tonight just playing with a stick and was perfectly content.
Hubs: I wish I could be that happy with just a stick. Of course, then I'd be retarded. So there's that.