Queen Bey

Me: So apparently Beyonce's new album is about Jay-Z's affairs. Why would anyone cheat on Beyonce? I mean, she's Beyonce.
Hubs: Well, he's so arrogant he thinks he can do whatever he wants.
Me: Yeah, but Beyonce. I mean, it's not like he could upgrade. I don't care who he was screwing around with; he was slumming it.
Hubs: True.
Me: Maybe he has a thing for women who wear pants.
Hubs: Or someone who can dance.

Pop Pop

I'm obsessed with dermatology videos on YouTube. Yes, they're disgusting, but they're also incredibly satisfying and some of the best ones are home videos. I decided to share my all-time favorite with a friend.

 

If you'd like to check out the video, you can find it here. It's graphic but if you have a strong stomach, it's also hilarious. 

Your Legs Ain't Broke

Hubs and I pull up at a gas station for snacks and I don't feel like going inside.

Me: Why don't you go get me a drink?
Hubs: What do I look like?
Me: Someone with two legs and some money.

Thighs Like What (What What)

I shared a funny picture on our neighborhood Facebook page.

GoT Recipes?

A friend has decided to write a cookbook based on Game of Thrones and she solicited help coming up with recipe ideas. This is what happened.

Khaleesi

There's a movie being filmed in our city soon and one of the actors involved is Emilia Clarke, who plays Daenerys Targaryen on Game of Thrones.

Hubs: Filming starts next week.
Me: And she'll actually be here in town?
Hubs: It says yes.
Me: Maybe I'll wander downtown to get a look. Maybe she'll make out with me.
Hubs: Oh really. So you'd like that?
Me: She's hot.
Hubs: You didn't say no. . .

Can you blame me?

Adventures of a Dance Dad

Hubs sat through a ballet dress rehearsal for our five-year-old.

** Note: in our parenting world, the term "big girl" refers to any female over the age of ten.

Here Comes the Boom

We just found out our favorite pizza place is opening a new location next to our favorite ice cream place.

Spanglish

Our daughters are very fond of pretending to be restaurateurs and forcing Hubs and me to order countless dishes.

Hubs: What kind of restaurant is this?
5yo: It's Mexican, Daddy! Your favorite!
Hubs: Great! I'll take eighty seven tacos.
5yo: Here you go! Eighty seven tacos.
3yo: I have cacos, too. Here you go.
Me: She said cacos.
Hubs: Cock-o's?
Me: Yes. Wait. Is that how you say cock in Spanish? Don't you just put an O at the end of everything? Like, "she gave-o you-o a cock-o."
Hubs: That's how I got through high school Spanish.

[Note: the inappropriate part of this conversation was whispered so as to protect innocent ears. We may be terrible people, but we're not monsters.]

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

Hubs and I are competing for space in the kitchen.

Hubs: I can't rinse this off with your giant man hands in the way.
Me: Want me to crack open a lobster for you?
Hubs: And I can't get in this cabinet with your giant man legs in the way.
Me: Are you sure you want to talk about how big my thighs are?
Hubs: Yeah... I regretted it the second it was out of my mouth.
Me: Are you wondering how much blood you have to shed to atone for that one?
Hubs: Yup.