Dude Looks Like a Lady

Getting Away with Murder

I posted this in our neighborhood Facebook group.

I Want You to Want Me

We're going to Target for one specific purchase.

Hubs: I reserve the right to browse the electronics.
Me: Well, I reserve the right to browse anything I want.
Hubs: [points at himself] Like thissss?
Me: I said anything I want.

Cold Comfort

Hubs gets this fortune:

And says: "Ooh! I can't wait to meet Comfort."

I'm Fluent in Swedish

My parents kept in touch when they took a trip across  Scandinavia.

People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Beat Dead Horses

There is an old woman on our neighborhood Facebook page who uses the weirdest old school idioms and frequent malaphors. Most of them don't even make sense.


Exhibit A: 

Exhibit B: 

And this is my friend's take on the phenomenon:

Tasty, Tasty Rhymes

Again with my best girls.

Tricks up His Sleeve

Hubs and I take a divide-and-conquer approach to putting our two daughters to bed each night; he takes one, I take the other, and we trade out the next evening. When the girls find out it's their night with Daddy, they cheer. When they find out it's their Mommy night, I usually get an "Aw, man!" as they look longingly at Hubs. In no way does this hurt my feelings or make me want to scream at them about what they did to my vagina.

Preschooler: Do I have you tonight, Mommy?
Me: Yes.
Preschooler: Yay!
Me [to Hubs]: Did you hear that? I got a yay!
Hubs: I know! That's great!
Me: I still don't understand why they prefer you so much at bedtime.
Hubs: I keep bacon in my pocket.

What Happens in Vegas, Part Deux

The weirdest things happen to Hubs. He once saw an elderly man in a gym locker room blowdrying his junk.

Rap Snacks

It's easy to stay up past your bedtime when you get in an epic rapper pun standoff with your friend's husband. Yes, that's a thing.