Paging Dr. Guinnespee

I work with three surgeons.  One of them is an Iron Man triathlete who frequently qualifies for the national Iron Man competition.  He also runs marathons for shits and giggles.

I texted him this picture:

This is the exchange that followed:

My Husband is Totally Tubular

Hubs is a computer programmer and is obsessed with technology.

Hubs: I'm going to nerd out for a second. But just for a second. Then I'll go back to being cool.
Me: Um. . . Yeah. . .

It's What's for Dinner

Hubs: What are you going to go get me for dinner?
Me [flipping him off]
Hubs: I've had that before. I want something different.

BeneFitBit

Me: I've almost hit my ten thousand steps for the day. I'm going to get on the treadmill and finish this.
Hubs: Yeah, I'm under by about five hundred but I don't care.
Me: Seriously? But you're so close! Just get on the exercise bike. You can watch my ass while I'm on the treadmill.
Hubs: I don’t have to be on the bike to do that.

Ich Bin Ein Berliner

We're watching the World Cup final and Goetze has just scored the winning goal.

Me: Do you know how much ass he's going to get?
Hubs: All of it.

Farfagnugen

We're watching the World Cup final and Schweinsteiger has just been hit in the face and is bleeding.

Hubs: They have stuff they can spray on that to stop the bleeding immediately.
Me: They're German. They probably just pour beer on it.
Hubs: Their alcohol swab is soaked in beer.
Me: They used a pretzel to soak up the blood and then poured beer on it.

Record Breaker

Our preschooler says I'm four years old.

Hubs: Wow. If that were true, Daddy would be in jail.
Me: And Mommy would be in Guinness.

Shirt and Shoes (Should Be) Required

We're on the interstate behind an elderly man on a motorcycle.

Hubs: Is that dude shirtless?
Me: Yes. Unfortunately.
Hubs: I bet he has bug guts all over his nipples.

Toe

Hubs: Just so you know, I never buy anything unless it's on sale.
Me: I know.
Hubs: Camel camel camel.
Me: What?
Hubs: Camel camel camel. It's that site I told you about with all the deals.
Me: Ohhhh. . . Good. Because I was thinking my shorts weren't that tight.