Weenus

I'm so glad I have daughters. One of my closest friends has 5yo and 8yo boys and her stories are fantastic.

Majestic Lake Splat, Part Deux

My parents just bought a new (faster) boat and we're all determined that I'm going to learn to ski this year.

For more about skiing, click here.

Doth Mine Ears Deceive Me?

To Hubs (of course).

S**t Happens

When you have children you find yourself keeping tabs on things that you never thought you would, which means that when grandparents babysit, they're also keeping an eye out.

The Upper Crust

Hubs: You're supposed to always have wine in the house.
Me: What?
Hubs: Wine. You're supposed to keep wine around.
Me: Oh, like classy people?
Hubs: Yeah.
Me: I think we make too many penis jokes to be considered classy.
Hubs: Sophisticated, then.
Me: Still not sure.
Hubs: But not uppity.
Me: Oh. I'm uppity. I just don't have the class to back it up.
Hubs: And you don't give a shit. That's the appeal.

Lost in Translation, Part Deux

It's our girls' bedtime.

Me: Can you do the bath while I put their laundry away?
Hubs: GAAAWWWD! NOOOO!
Me: So that's a yes?
Hubs: Yes.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Despite my repeated warnings (and pestering, nagging, hounding, harping, and bitching), Hubs continues to listen to his iPod while mowing the lawn, which is doing major damage to his ears.

Me: You know you're going to end up with a hearing loss.
Hubs: Maybe.
Me: And you know I'm not going to talk to you when that happens.
Hubs: Yes. You've told me.
Me: I mean it.
Hubs: I know. But have you considered that maybe that's my plan? And it's already set in motion?

Bodily Harm

One of my friends (in purple) is obviously a safety-first kind of person. 

We recently had some terrible weather and a few tornadoes in town. I was chatting with my neighborhood ladies about it.

 

_______________________________

She works in a building that's still under construction and admitted that she and her coworkers have been sneaking into the cordoned-off areas to check on the progress.

Judge Not, Lest... Nevermind (Part Deux)

One of my favorite pastimes is judging people.

Me: Her shoes aren't appropriate for the season.
Hubs: What? Who?
Me: The girl standing by the door. The color and the fabric are wrong. She should've retired those in mid-February.
Hubs: [sighs] I'm so glad I have a penis.
Me: So am I.

Back That Ass Up

Gonzaga has just beaten South Carolina in their Final Four matchup. I accidentally sit on the remote and rewind the TV, but then can't get it back to the live feed; it gets stuck with a little over a minute left in the game. Hubs walks back in the room.

Me: I don't know what I did. I sat on the remote and now it's just playing this.
Hubs: [with utter solemnity] Your ass can turn back time.

Willing Suspension of Disbelief

Me: I'm reading this book about a woman in Scotland and it was fine until she met the Loch Ness Monster. Like, it came out of the water to look at her and I was like, really? But then I remembered that the whole reason she was in Scotland was because she traveled two hundred years back in time, so I kind of have to go with it.
Hubs: You're pretty.
Me: May I remind you that you got pissed at Mickey Mouse Clubhouse because Toodles always had exactly the four tools that Mickey needed to solve his prob--
Hubs: That still bothers me.