Valhalla Vixens

I have a lovely group of ladies with whom I have tea once a month. At a real tea room. And it's magical. It's like every tea party I had as a child but with food that's not imaginary. We decided this month to start wearing tiaras when we go because dammit, we can. And believe it or not, we got scores of compliments along with the polite laughter.

We. Are. Fabulous.

After our last tea, three of us (above) started chatting.

Alright, Alright, Alright

Our three-year-old is wearing a button down shirt that is completely unbuttoned and is walking around with her belly hanging out.

Hubs: She looks like a bum.
Me: I was thinking Matthew McConaughey. [Pause] Guess that's basically the same thing.
Hubs: Money. The only difference is money.

Now My Pee Smells Funny

You Down with OCD?

Hubs has some obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and the biggest one is his need to check the door locks before we go to bed. He has to make the rounds of all three outside doors in succession in a certain amount of time and if he gets derailed during this 45-second ritual he has to start over.

Me: [starting to say something, then realizing he's doing the locks] I'll wait.
Hubs: [not stopping] Yup. Once I get started, it's best just to let me finish.
Me: I know. That's why we have two kids.

Dat Ass

And She Layeth the Smack Down

One of our office managers recently had to put a new employee in her place, and I know it wasn't easy for her.

Eleven

Hubs: So... I've been wanting to do something for weeks but you kept shutting me down.
Me: Um...
Hubs: So last night I went ahead and did it.
Me: I didn't feel a thing.
Hubs: It wasn't that. [Pauses] But you might want to clean the couch. 

(He actually did something worse than that - he watched the first episode of Stranger Things without me.)

Music to His Ears

Hubs and I are talking about using different voices in different situations. He's on the phone a lot for work, and does some in-person trainings and speaking engagements; I seem to switch my voice constantly depending on who I'm talking to. 

Me: I had a friend in grad school who made fun of me for having a drive thru voice. 

Hubs: I think I know that one. 

Me: And she'd make fun of me when I talked to a boy on the phone. I'd hang up and she'd be like, "Oooohhh. . . you liiiike him!"

Hubs: I've never heard that voice.
Me: Yes, you have. It was just a long time ago.
Hubs: It was for a day or two.
Me: Yeah. A day or two.