Ethically Undead

Hubs: If there were no such thing as True Blood, would you still consider being a vampire?
Me: Not now. We have kids.
Hubs: But if we didn't have kids?
Me: Yeah. Probably.
Hubs: But you'd have to kill people.
Me: I wouldn't have to kill them, just feed from them.
Hubs: True.
Me: Or I could kill people and be like the Dexter of vampires.
Hubs: Ooh, good idea. Or sometimes you could kill people who are just assholes.
Me: I could go to the Republican National Convention. Oh my god I'd get so fat.

Good Things Come in Small Packages

We're watching our daughters play.

Me: I love these tiny bodies. These tiny, tiny things.
Hubs: It bodes well for me that you like tiny things.
Me: It was my love of tiny things that got us these babies.

Haaaave You Met Adonis?

Hubs: I am physically fit. I'm like a Greek god over here.
Me: You know we have mirrors in the house, right?
Hubs: Yeah, I don't look in them.
Me: That's my point.

Happiness Is. . .

Hubs: You know what I wanna make?
Me: Your wife a happy woman?
Hubs: I don’t wanna die.

Also Known As

My father-in-law has introduced our preschooler to Woody Woodpecker. Lucky for us, he also taught her that it's available on Netflix. Pretty sure he's not getting a Christmas gift.

Hubs: Did you see the name of this episode? It's "Automatic Woody".
Me: Uh. . .
Hubs: That's my nickname for you.

Child Labor

I've just returned home from the dollar store where I bought a ton of organizing containers.

Me: I don’t even want to think about all the children who died in sweatshops to make these.
Hubs: Meh. Children come and go. But plastic is forever.

Loaves and Fishes

Hubs and I see a Facebook post from one of our favorite restaurants.

Hubs: They have catfish today.
Me: I know. It looks amazing.
Hubs: You should go get me some.
Me: No. It's icy out there and I'm not leaving the house.
Hubs: But you haven't showered yet and you look all scruffy. Maybe they'll think you're homeless and just hand you some food for free.