Friday the PG-13th

My mom: We were going to go camping this weekend, but we found out there are going to be a hundred and fifty Cub Scouts at the campground.
Hubs: You know Jason's going to show up and f**k some s**t up.
Me: No he won't. They're Cub Scouts. They won't be having sex.

Winter Is [Ahem] Coming. . .

Hubs and I are huge fans of Game of Thrones.  He comes up to me to show me something on his phone.

Hubs: I'm a nerd so I get updates from this website, but look -- they just came out with a Danaerys bust.
Me: With no boobs? What's the point?
Hubs: I know! I got two hands.
Me: Well, just one, really, if you're, you know. . .
Hubs: This is why I love you.

iThrone

I get home from work and find that Hubs is in the bathroom. While waiting for him, I decide to check Facebook.

Pocket Pool

EB (almost 3 years old) is playing with a ball when it rolls under the TV cabinet.

EB: That ball is stuck. But Daddy will get it.
My mom: Is Daddy the ball retriever?
Me: Daddy's the ball handler.
My mom: So he handles his own balls?

U shd reed moar

Hubs: I used to read. I was smarter when I read and the things that came out of my mouth actually made sense.
Me: Wow. That's a side of you I've never seen. I wouldn't know what to do with you.
Hubs: Well, you could start by. . . [can't think fast enough and starts chuckling]
Me: There are, like, eight ways I could end that sentence and they all involve --
Hubs: Deez nuts.
Me: Yes.  [sigh]

Junk in the Trunk

Me: Gah! I keep having to pull up my stupid underwear because they keep sliding down.
Hubs: Isn't that a good thing? If they're loose and falling off it means they're too big, right?
Me: No. They're too small. There's only enough fabric there to cover half my ass, which is the bottom half.  I have too much mass in my ass.

Ooh That Smell, Part Tres