Gobble Gobble

Die Harder

A couple years ago I finally gave in and conceded that Die Hard can be considered a Christmas movie, so now it's in our annual rotation. On Black Friday we're decorating the house and have this conversation.

Hubs: Let's get this done so we can relax later.
Me: And watch a movie.
Hubs: We can finish The Shining.
Me: I was actually going to suggest Die Hard.
Hubs: You want to have sex, don't you?

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! (Best Friend)

Hubs and I are watching a Planet Earth special and the narrator is explaining the meteorological phenomenon of diamond dust.

Me: I want some diamond dust.
Hubs: Go to the strip club.

Jesus Wept

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Children of the Corn

We're about to take my daughters and my niece through a corn maze.

My dad: What happens if we lose one of them?
Me: We pay less for dinner.

Not His Place

Hubs and I are on a road trip and stop at a travel center. I didn't realize it was arranged in a circle and didn't pay attention to where we were wandering and was confused when the exit wasn't where I thought it should be. That's where Hubs comes in handy.

Me: I would've walked around that loop for an hour.
Hubs: Wow. You have amazing book smarts.
Me: If by "book smarts" you mean "ass"...
Hubs: Who am I to argue?
_______________________________

We get back in the car and I spot a bag of McDonald's trash in my floorboard.

Me: Dammit! Why didn't I throw that away just now? Dumbass.
Hubs: Who am I to argue?