Purple Friend

If your friends don't share stories about their vibrators, they're not really your friends. I'm just saying.

Costume Conundrums

Why are elementary schools so fond of spirit weeks involving costumes? I get that it's fun for the kids but it's not like any of the parents keep up with that shit.

Se7en

Sounds Like...

Hubs and I are playing Password.

Me: Car
Hubs: Drive
Me: Accident
Hubs: Insurance
Me: Wreck
Hubs: Um. . . hurt?
Me: Onomatopoeia
Hubs: Which one is that?
Me: Where the word is a sound. Comic book stuff like pow or wham.
Hubs: Oh. [pause] Skid.
Me: Skid? Seriously? When you slide on the pavement, do your feet go skiiiiiid? Onomatopoeia, motherfucker!

Like Father, Like Daughter

Trading up

Preface: Hubs is bald

Me: Today at work an eighty-three-year-old man told me I was a pretty little thing and asked if I was married.
Hubs: Man. You could've made some money off that.
Me: But eighty-three?
Him: That's old. You could wait him out.
Me: He did have a full head of hair...

Amazing is as Amazing Does

Me: I'm hungry. And thirsty.
Hubs: Anything else?
Me: And AMAZING.
Hubs: I was looking for things that are true.

Mere seconds later he pisses me off, then turns away to look out the car window. As soon as he turns back I smack him.

Me: I waited til you turned around because I wanted you to see it coming.
Hubs: [mouth agape] That was kind of amazing.
Me: I told you.