Monday, January 22, 2018

Amuse Bouche

I'm getting ready for work when Hubs starts undressing to get in the shower.

Hubs: [turning his back to me] Ready for the best thing you'll see all day? [slowly lowering his boxers a couple inches]
Me: I'm not looking.
Hubs: Why not?
Me: It was just a peek. It wasn't even the whole thing.
Hubs: It's supposed to whet your appetite. It was the hors d'oeuvre of your desire. The appetizer of your affection. The lead-up to your lust.
Me: It was none of those things.

Friday, January 19, 2018

In Russia, Chocolate Eat You

Hubs and I are fascinated and amused by foreign snacks and candy, so when I found a subscription service that ships a box of international goodies once a month I had to sign us up. Our first delivery just arrived and everything in it was from Russia.

Me: The milk chocolate isn't bad.
Hubs: It's good. [closes his eyes] This one is from the Chernobyl region.
Me: What?
Hubs: You know how I can tell?
Me: Oh lord.
Hubs: I just grew a third nut.

If you're interested in joining us on our international junk food adventure, check out Try Treats
(Also, yes: we know that Chernobyl is in the Ukraine, not Russia.)

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

In a Pickle

Hubs and I are foodies and we're sampling some of the different pickles I've made.

Hubs: I forgot how good these are. I'm going to snack on them later.
Me: [gesturing to myself] You can snack on thisss later.
Hubs: Huh. I was about to say that these pickles are going to be the best thing I put in my mouth all day, but...
Me: Meh. Still could be.
Hubs: Wow. Well, you're honest.
Me: A better husband would've argued.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

All About Eve

New Year's Eve was cold here and when the ball dropped it was 10 degrees with a wind chill in the single digits.

Me: I'm laughing thinking about all the girls who will be out tonight with their sleeveless dresses and short skirts. I can't imagine doing that.
Hubs: Hey! You leave those girls alone!
Me: You leave those girls alone.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Push To Start

We're celebrating a belated Christmas with my parents and they give Hubs a new gadget to connect our ceiling fan to our home automation system.

Hubs: Now we can just say on and the ceiling fan will turn on.
My mom: [pointing at me] Do you have a switch like that for her?
My dad: I'm sure he'd like to say he already has a tool for that.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Mommy Dearest

I think smart kids are capable of both understanding and handling way more than we give them credit for, assuming that we use the right language and maybe leave out the worst details. Hubs disagrees. So I've just finished answering a rather gruesome question from our 7yo when. . .

Hubs: Have I told you lately what a good mother you are?
Me: No..?
Hubs: There's a reason for that.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Fake Plastic Cheese

Me: Ugh. My friends and I were talking about how our husbands all eat American cheese and how gross it is.
Hubs: So? Women eat weird things. Like parfaits. And salads. What's the difference?
Me: Um... Those things are good? And nutritious?
Hubs: So is American cheese. I mean, it's cheese. Except it's not actually cheese.
Me: Exactly.
Hubs: Do you know why men like American cheese? Do you know how we got hooked on it?
Me [sighing]: Your mothers.
Hubs: Yes! Our mothers! See? It was all a woman's fault.
Me: Hey. We'll all take another reason to complain about our mothers-in-law.