Sunday, August 28, 2016
Me: Um... Okay.
My mom: I swear I did not see that until after I bought it.
My dad: You could wear two of them and look twenty pounds lighter!
Me: So Hubs bought me workout videos and you got me a slimming swimsuit...
My dad: [handing me another gift] And here's your subscription to NutriSystem!
(For the record, I'm not fat and none of the comments were malicious. I don't want anyone thinking my family is comprised of actual assholes.)
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Yesterday was my birthday.
Hubs: Did you see the thing I posted on Facebook?
Me: No - I was busy today and just managed to keep up with the birthday wishes.
Hubs: Did you get the text I sent you of my junk?
Me: Yes, but it was so small I couldn't see it.
Hubs: That's the one, then.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
We drive past some warehouses with for sale signs outside. One of them boasts 52,000 square feet.
Me: Fifty-two thousand square feet? I can't even wrap my head around that.
Hubs: You probably could. Your head is pretty big.
[In his defense, I do have an unusually large noggin. I have to wear men's hats.]