Tuesday, September 27, 2016

As the Fire Starts to Mellow, Part Deux

Ever the consummate nerd, Hubs has pre-ordered the PlayStation VR and it's set to arrive on October 13.
Me: We have so much going on that day. 5yo has her first field trip. 3yo has school pictures. It's our anniversary.
Hubs: And the PlayStation VR arrives that day.
Me: Gah. And I won't see you for weeks. [pause] Ooh! Happy anniversary to me!
Hubs: See? It all works out.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Why Pull Punches?

Hubs: Thanks for putting up with me.
Me: Well, it's easier than starting over.
Hubs: Wow. But true.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Gangsta Lean

Texting with a friend.

I sent the screenshot above to a different friend and this exchange followed:

Monday, September 19, 2016

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Strangers with Candy

We're trying to get our daughters into the bathtub and I'm ashamed to admit how often we resort to bribery. 

Hubs (to the 3yo): Take your clothes off and you can have some candy.
Me: This is what you're teaching her? If she takes her clothes off she gets candy?
Hubs: Hey, it worked on you. 
Me: That's going on the blog.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Here Comes the Boom, Part Deux

Texting with Hubs when I found out that Michael Phelps has a kid named Boomer.


For more boom (but not Boomer), click here.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

These Are the People in Your Neighborhood, Part Tres

The smart people in my neighborhood are ruthless, and it's funniest when the target remains oblivious.

For more neighborhood shenanigans, click here or here.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Urination Elevation

Hubs: What are they building over there?
Me: Looks like apartments.
Hubs: Or a hotel.
Me: Yeah, but they all have balconies.
Hubs: Nice hotels have balconies. I know because every time I stay in one I pee off it.

Sunday, September 4, 2016


I'm an only child and am legitimately spoiled, even now that I'm married and thirty-mumble years old. This birthday was particularly bad; my parents took me to lunch on my birthday, another lunch over the weekend, and we celebrated with both lunch and dinner the following weekend. Poor Hubs has a birthday that's within days of Christmas, and (rightfully) laments the fact that his birthday celebration usually consists of a ten-minute timeout on Christmas day when all the family is gathered.

Hubs: We just ate your fourth birthday meal. Fourth.
Me: I know.
Hubs: I can't wait to enjoy my birthday White Castles that I have to eat in the drive thru while I'm still in the car.
My mom: No... It's your fortieth, right?
Hubs: Yes.
My mom: So you can go through the drive thru two times!

Friday, September 2, 2016