Monday, July 27, 2015

Wisdom Teeth Don't Make You Smart

Hubs has been told that he has to have his wisdom teeth taken out.

Me: I can't wait to see what you're like coming out of anesthesia. We might have a viral video on our hands.
Hubs: I've never hit a woman, but that could do it.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Philly Illy

It's my first time setting foot in a little cheesesteak dive where Hubs always gets us takeout.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

High Beams

Hubs has just announced the newest earth-shattering evolution in video games and is not satisfied with my lackluster reaction.

Hubs: You're supposed to be excited.
Me: I am.
Hubs: You don't look like it.
Me: I am excited. You just can't see it because I have a bra on.
Hubs: Well, now you're just fucking with me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dios Mio

I swear I'm not racist. I swear, I swear, I swear. But I think having a yard sale can bring out the worst in any of us. A neighbor friend was also selling some wares.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Size Makes the Man

Hubs: I hate public restrooms where there's no partition between the urinals.
My dad: Me too.
Hubs: I mean, at least give me that little six-inch panel.
My dad: Well. . . Some of us need twelve.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Undeniably Obsessed

When your predictive text starts recommending "Shakira" any time you type a capital S, you might have a slight problem. . .

(For more Shakira, click here or here.)

Monday, July 6, 2015

Y'all Gon Make Me Lose Mind

We're driving to my inlaws' for an overnight stay.

Me: You did put the girls' bag in the back, right?
Hubs: Yeeessss. . ?
Me: Are you sure?
Hubs: I'm 99% sure. [Pause] Which in my world means there's about a 40% chance it's not back there.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Because Lesbians

Okay, so, apparently I have the mind of a pubescent boy because I thought it was hysterical that I caught this post before anyone else hit "Like".