Friday, January 30, 2015
MIL: I like it. It's a little darker than I wanted it.
Me: I thought you were going to stop coloring it?
MIL [shoots a pointed look at FIL]: Well, he said he's not ready yet to be married to a gray-haired lady.
Me: Aaaand where's your toupee?
Monday, January 26, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
We have an upcoming evening when we'll only have our preschooler on our hands (and not her little sister as well). I've been asking her what she wants to do, and am recapping the conversation for Hubs.
Me: So I concluded by saying we'll talk about it on Friday and do whatever you want to do.
Hubs: Whatever I want to do? Or whatever she wants to do?
Me: No, her. Although I probably should let you decide since you're the man of the house and the head of our family.
Hubs: Damn straight. You would be nothing without my tutelage.
Me: Tutelage? Is that what you're calling him these days?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Me: Hell, we'll do it more often if we get free dinner out of it.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Friday, January 9, 2015
Me: Isn't that the equivalent of getting a lump of coal?
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Because of the nature of my work, I frequently engage in small talk with my patients.
Me: So how did you propose to your wife?
Patient: Well, I took her to Vermont for a weekend and we hiked up to the top of a mountain and that's where I asked her.
Me: That is so romantic! I'm jealous. I guess she kind of had to say yes after that.
Patient: Meh. I just got her up there and waited for the altitude sickness to kick in.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Hubs: Sounds good.
Me: So don't eat too much. I don't want you feeling all stuffed and gross. You won't want to move.
Hubs: There's only one part of me that actually has to move, and it's pretty much automatic.
Me: Oh my god.
Hubs: But I can also move it at will. Want me to do it now? [Holds his breath, screws up his face, and clenches his fists]