I get home from running errands and Hubs tells me there's a cat turd on the floor.
Me: Did someone just kick one out of the litter box?
Hubs: Yeah, either that or it was a Doppleganger.
Hubs: I'm buying a new bottle of mustard.
Hubs: The one we have now is the same one we had when we fed the movers. Their hands were all over it.
Me: They seemed like decent guys.
Hubs: Yes, but their hands were dirty from handling stuff.
Me: From handling our stuff.
Me: With our dirt on it.
Me: So you have the same dirt on your hands every day and you can touch the mustard?
Hubs: Yes. Also, I want to replace the couch.
If you haven't seen Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on TLC, far be it from me to describe it to you. Google it. The 17-year-old daughter recently gave birth to her first child (presumably the first of many) and refuses to name the father.
Me: So Anna won't say who the father is, but the baby has an extra thumb on one hand. If they want to figure out who the father is, they should start by looking at her cousins.
Hubs: They should start by looking for the guy with three thumbs.