Friday, October 28, 2016

These Are the People in Your Neighborhood, Part Fo'

I adore the women in my neighborhood. We have a chat going on Facebook and discuss the most random things. Last night it was how all of our furniture has been destroyed by children and pets. And adults.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Let Me Google That for You

Me: What did people do before Google?
Hubs: They fucked their shit up.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Jet Lag

We've just arrived at the airport in Prague and have been awake for almost 24 hours. I've started saying stupid shit and Hubs is rolling his eyes.

Me: Leave me alone. I'm tired. [Pause] Except I'm always like this.
Hubs: Like what?
Me: Embarrassing. Tired and embarrassing.
Hubs: You know, if I had to choose two words to describe you, those would be the ones.
Me: Well, if I had to choose two words to describe you, they would be ass and hole.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Quiverfull, Part Deux and Counting

Our daughters have started insisting that Daddy move from his regular seat at the dining table to sit between them instead, which puts Hubs at the head of the table. I walk in one night to find him sitting there without being asked by the girls. 

Me: Oh. So we're doing this now?
Hubs: It's fitting. I should sit at the head because I'm the man in the family. I'm the master of this house. [looks me up and down] Where's your jean skirt?

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

So I Birthed an Axe Murderer

Texting with my mom, who says the most terrifying things.

For the children of the nineties who might appreciate this. . .

Monday, October 3, 2016

Easily Pleased

Thanks to my parents, we're getting a whole weekend without our kids. This was the conversation with my mom.