Friday, January 24, 2014

That Doesn't Smell

First, read this post from November.

Hubs and I are back at a basketball game.

Me:  That towel boy is here again. 
Hubs:  Gross.
Me:  Wait a minute.  He's not wearing the towel around his neck tonight!  Do you think he reads my blog?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Can You Do That?

Text conversation between my mom (blue) and dad (white).

Friday, January 17, 2014

Keeping It in the Family

I'm on the phone placing a product order.  The customer service rep asks for my last name and zip code to determine whether we're in their catalog mailing database.

CSR:  Ah!  I found you.  Are you related to [Hubs]?
Me:  Yes.  I mean, no.  He's my husband, so no, we're not related.  That would be creepy.
CSR:  Well, that would be creepy.
Me:  But we do live in Kentucky.

Monday, January 13, 2014

The Pits

My parents buy a cherry pitter. When they read the instructions, they learn it can also be used to pit olives.

My dad:  Oh. . . Well, I guess some people don't like pimientos.

(Because he reads this blog, I feel it necessary to point out that he was being witty, not stupid.)

Friday, January 10, 2014

Anti Anti Social, Part Deux

Hubs: That one bar was too crowded.  I have no desire to go back there.
Me:  I told Omar the other day that I think he underestimates how much you hate people.
Hubs:  I don't hate people.  I just don't like being around people.
Me:  So you're glad they exist, but don't want to be reminded of their existence?
Hubs:  Exactly.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

All in a Day's Work

Hubs works from home. I've just arrived home late in the midst of a decent snow with a wind chill of 6 degrees; on the way I stopped to get hot chocolate and peppermint Schnapps because the kids are gone for the night.

Hubs: Oh, good. That will be yummy.
Me: I'm trying to warm up.
Hubs: Yeah, I meant to start drinking earlier but I got distracted playing Mario.
Me: Wow. Rough day at the office, huh?

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Just the Fax, Ma'am

Our receptionist:  I don't think I got your fax.  What did it look like?
Me:  It was probably white with black writing.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Switching Teams

Hubs has recently become terrible at parking his SUV.  We pull into a spot at a restaurant and he sits quietly contemplating his parking job.

Hubs: I don't think I'm straight.
Me:  You're telling me this now?