Friday, June 30, 2017

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

That's Amore

There's a tiny crescent moon.

Me: The moon looks like a fingernail.
Hubs: You know what else looks like a fingernail?
Me: Nope.
Hubs: Your face.
Me: Really?
Hubs: Dear, we've been together for so long that I'm running out. . .
Me: Of insults?
Hubs: Of things to say.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Moving Mountains (of Furniture)

Hubs and I are moving the 4yo into a bigger bedroom and hit a minor snag when we realize that her dresser won't be easy to get out; we assembled it inside the room several years ago.

He argues that we can just slide it out the door and around a corner (which he insists on trying despite my protests); I argue that we'll only get it out if we tip it on its side (which he says will make it too tall to fit through the doorway). Guess who was right.

We end up standing on opposite sides of the dresser while it completely blocks the doorway.

Me: Wow. Yeah, you were soooo right. That's definitely not going to fit.
Hubs: When I can see you again, I'm going to punch you in the face.

Sunday, June 18, 2017


I'm out to dinner with Hubs, our daughters, and my parents. Our meals have just arrived at the table.
Hubs: Why do we have four slices of pizza for the girls?
Me: Sorry. I just wasn't thinking when I ordered and this is where it got us. It's fine; we can take home whatever they don't eat. And if they're hungry, they'll eat that much.
Hubs: You know, you can always go back and get more food if they eat it all. I could've gotten a salad for myself instead of a slice of pizza.
Me: You know, you can always go back and get more food.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Avoid the Noid

Hubs has a habit of relaying information to me -- work anecdotes, news updates, stories about our daughters -- and then a few minutes later saying, "Oh, and one more thing about. . ." The problem is that it's never just one more thing.

Me: What annoys me isn't that you're talking to me; it's the "one more thing" all the time.
Hubs: What annoys me is that you say that every time.
Me: What annoys me is that you make me say it.
Hubs: What annoys me is your face.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


We're at my parents' cabin and I've just turned off the shower when I spot a wolf spider on my leg. I smack it with my towel, it disappears, and fearing that it might be clinging to a fold in the terry cloth, I drop the towel on the floor. I'm now standing wet and naked in the tub with no plan for escape.

My dad: Is this some game you two play? Do I need to take the kids outside?

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Everything in Moderation

I recently attempted a three-day cleanse. I made it through breakfast on day two. Willpower isn't exactly my strong suit and, let's be honest, I love to eat. I fessed up to my dad when we were trying to make dinner plans.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

The Don of Dom

After a wee bit of champagne:

Me: I'm feeling chattier and zippier than I have in days.
Hubs: I have that effect on women. But it's more like they chat and then they zip. Away.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Show and Tell

Hubs: Come here. I have something to show you. [Pause] It rhymes with pass.
Me: I figured it would rhyme with pick.