Sunday, May 27, 2012


We were talking to friends about their fertility woes and the awkwardness of the husband giving a "sample" at the doctor's office.

Friend J:  So, I have to ask.  Are you allowed to use lube or anything?
Husband:  Nope.  Nothing.  Not even water.
Friend J:  What about spit?
Wife:  No.  Saliva kills sperm.
Me:  Ohhh... So that's why you don't get pregnant from blow jobs!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Unclear on the Concept

Me:  Does someone always die on this show?  Like, every episode?
Hubs:  Well, the name of the show is "Fatal Attractions," so...

Monday, May 14, 2012

TV Show

Me:  I figured out the name of that show with the crazy guy with the curly hair.  It's "Workaholics."
Hubs:  I was close.
Me:  You said "Shenanigans."
Hubs:  I knew it was a long name.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Par for the Course

My mom and I always end up talking about inappropriate or disgusting things when we get together, which The Hubs is still adjusting to. Tonight it was nuts and nursing home residents.

Hubs: We can't get through a night without a conversation like this.  What are you talking about over there? I heard "nuts" and something about old people?
Me:  Demented people peeing in electrical outlets.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Cookie Cake

Waiting in line at the cookie place at the mall

Me:  I hate cookie cakes.
Hubs:  Me too.  I got one for my birthday one year from this girl I was dating.
Me:  Is that why you broke up?
Hubs:  Yeah.  I knew something better was coming along.
Me:  You still holding on to that dream?
Hubs:  Yes.  Yes I am.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tiki torches

The hubs put up our new outdoor oil lamps, filled them, and put the wicks in.

Hubs:  How long do those wicks have to be in there before they'll light?
Me:  I don't know.  How long does it take you to ignite once you dip your wick?
Hubs:  Hmm.  Not very long.