Saint Patty

Me:  You realize we're eating Mexican food on Saint Patrick's day, right?
Hubs:  What's wrong with that?  What do you think the Mexicans are eating?

Cherry

After dinner, Hubs gets bored with the conversation and starts poking at a Maraschino cherry with his drinking straw.  After numerous unsuccessful attempts to puncture it, Mom turns to me and says, "I'm glad he wasn't your first."

Keep Calm and. . ?

Discovered one morning on my notebook that says, "Keep Calm and Carry On":

A post-it from my dad saying, "Bullshit!  It's time to panic!"

Clementines

Hubs is vivisecting a clementine segment into approximately seven pieces.

Me:  Are you cutting it up that small for the baby?
Hubs:  Yes. . ?
Me:  I've just been cutting them in half.
Hubs:  That's why you're a horrible mother.

March Madness

Me:  You're defrosting two pounds of chicken?
Hubs:  Yes.
Me:  There are only two of you eating.
Hubs:  I'm making chicken tenders, too.
Me:  Again, for two people?
Hubs:  It's the Final F***ing Four.