Monday, May 30, 2016

Queen Bey

Me: So apparently Beyonce's new album is about Jay-Z's affairs. Why would anyone cheat on Beyonce? I mean, she's Beyonce.
Hubs: Well, he's so arrogant he thinks he can do whatever he wants.
Me: Yeah, but Beyonce. I mean, it's not like he could upgrade. I don't care who he was screwing around with; he was slumming it.
Hubs: True.
Me: Maybe he has a thing for women who wear pants.
Hubs: Or someone who can dance.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Pop Pop

I'm obsessed with dermatology videos on YouTube. Yes, they're disgusting, but they're also incredibly satisfying and some of the best ones are home videos. I decided to share my all-time favorite with a friend.

If you'd like to check out the video, you can find it here. It's graphic but if you have a strong stomach, it's also hilarious. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Your Legs Ain't Broke

Hubs and I pull up at a gas station for snacks and I don't feel like going inside.

Me: Why don't you go get me a drink?
Hubs: What do I look like?
Me: Someone with two legs and some money.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Friday, May 20, 2016

GoT Recipes?

A friend has decided to write a cookbook based on Game of Thrones and she solicited help coming up with recipe ideas. This is what happened.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016


There's a movie being filmed in our city soon and one of the actors involved is Emilia Clarke, who plays Daenerys Targaryen on Game of Thrones.

Hubs: Filming starts next week.
Me: And she'll actually be here in town?
Hubs: It says yes.
Me: Maybe I'll wander downtown to get a look. Maybe she'll make out with me.
Hubs: Oh really. So you'd like that?
Me: She's hot.
Hubs: You didn't say no. . .

Can you blame me?

Friday, May 6, 2016

Adventures of a Dance Dad

Hubs sat through a ballet dress rehearsal for our five-year-old.

** Note: in our parenting world, the term "big girl" refers to any female over the age of ten.

Here Comes the Boom

We just found out our favorite pizza place is opening a new location next to our favorite ice cream place.


Our daughters are very fond of pretending to be restaurateurs and forcing Hubs and me to order countless dishes.

Hubs: What kind of restaurant is this?
5yo: It's Mexican, Daddy! Your favorite!
Hubs: Great! I'll take eighty seven tacos.
5yo: Here you go! Eighty seven tacos.
3yo: I have cacos, too. Here you go.
Me: She said cacos.
Hubs: Cock-o's?
Me: Yes. Wait. Is that how you say cock in Spanish? Don't you just put an O at the end of everything? Like, "she gave-o you-o a cock-o."
Hubs: That's how I got through high school Spanish.

[Note: the inappropriate part of this conversation was whispered so as to protect innocent ears. We may be terrible people, but we're not monsters.]

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

Hubs and I are competing for space in the kitchen.

Hubs: I can't rinse this off with your giant man hands in the way.
Me: Want me to crack open a lobster for you?
Hubs: And I can't get in this cabinet with your giant man legs in the way.
Me: Are you sure you want to talk about how big my thighs are?
Hubs: Yeah... I regretted it the second it was out of my mouth.
Me: Are you wondering how much blood you have to shed to atone for that one?
Hubs: Yup.