Litter Boxes

I'm lamenting my cats' bathroom habits.

Me:  What is the fascination with taking a dump in a freshly cleaned litter box?
Mom:  I couldn't say; I've never tried it myself.

Stupidity

A song comes on.

Hubs:  Hey, it's The Strokes.
Me (listening...):  Isn't that The White Stripes?
Hubs:  You are correct.  See?  That's why I married you; you keep me in line.
Me:  Aww.
Hubs:  I swear I used to be smart.
Me:  I know.  That's why I married you.

Peanuts

Me:  I'm so glad I don't have a peanut allergy. I like too many things with peanuts in them.  Like peanut butter.  And Snickers.  And... I can't think of anything else, but that seems like enough.
Hubs (scoffing):  Snickers don't have peanut butter.
Me:  PEA-NUT-SAAAA.

Illness

My parents have head colds.  We met them for dinner, toddler in tow.

Hubs:  I hope you guys didn't give her syphillis or anything.
Me:  Jesus!
Hubs:  Wait... That's an STD, isn't it?

Zeke

We have a cat named Zeke.  Hubs was aggravated with him.

Hubs:  Zeke, you can lick my balls.
Me:  Do you want him to do that?
Hubs:  No.  Sandpaper.  That would feel weird.
Me:  So it's weird because it would feel like sandpaper, not because a cat would be licking your balls?

Coins

The baby grabbed a handful of coins and shoved them in her mouth.  The Hubs got them away from her and was trying to quiet her screams.

Hubs:  You can play with them, sweetheart.  Just don't put them in your mouth.  [lengthy pause]  That's something Daddy's never said to Mommy.

Good Advice

I'm going to physical therapy to help with some pregnancy-related back pain.

PT:  So you want to avoid movements and stances that put most of your weight on one foot.  Try to keep your weight balanced.  An easy strategy is to keep your legs together.
Me:  Well, I'm already pregnant, so...