Keeping Her Off the Pole, Part Deux

I have nothing but the highest standards for my children.

For more about my destined-to-be-a-stripper daughter, click here: Keeping Her Off the Pole

#crackpipe

Someone posted a picture on our neighborhood Facebook page asking for help identifying the remnants of an object found in his driveway.

Here's the mystery picture:

Female conjecture:

And another guess, this time by a man:
 

Cheaper by the Gallon

Evidence of my brother-in-law's visit (grocery list on our fridge).

Moist Delights

Hubs gets out of the shower and rubs his damp butt on me.

Me: Ew! You're still, like, clammy.
Hubs: I was just trying to please you.
Me: Maybe one day you'll succeed.

Lipstick on His Collar

We have two daughters, ages five and almost-three. My mom decided to give them lipstick and turn them loose, so both girls latched on to Daddy and covered his cheeks in lip prints.

My dad: I bet you're loving this, aren't you?
Hubs: Reminds me of college, walking through the quad.

Trigger Happy

Background: When my parents were first married they had an incident in which my dad arrived home unexpectedly and my mom almost shot him, thinking he was an intruder. It's something we still joke about.

Return to present day and Dad has just said something particularly sarcastic to Mom.

Me: Ooh. I think he has a death wish.
Dad: She doesn't know where I keep the handgun.
Mom: No, I don't anymore. But I know where your nuts are.

Polar Bear in the Snow

Last winter we got 15" of snow in one day. A group of us from work were texting from home since none of us made it into the office.