Hubs has a new boss named Edward, and there have been jokes about working on "Team Edward".
Me: Well, if I had to choose between vampire and werewolf, vampire's the way to go.
Hubs: So you're saying you don't want big hairy balls?
Me: I just figure if he can lick his own balls, he doesn't need me.
Hubs: So you're saying you want to lick balls? I'm pretty sure that's what I heard you say.
We're watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas".
Me: I love that Snoopy never makes a sound, but he laughs out loud.
Hubs: I know.
Me: And by "love", I mean it creeps me out.
Hubs: Good to know for future reference.
Me: I love you.
Hubs: You went there fast, didn't you?
I'm lamenting my cats' bathroom habits.
Me: What is the fascination with taking a dump in a freshly cleaned litter box?
Mom: I couldn't say; I've never tried it myself.
A song comes on.
Hubs: Hey, it's The Strokes.
Me (listening...): Isn't that The White Stripes?
Hubs: You are correct. See? That's why I married you; you keep me in line.
Me: Aww.
Hubs: I swear I used to be smart.
Me: I know. That's why I married you.
Me: I'm so glad I don't have a peanut allergy. I like too many things with peanuts in them. Like peanut butter. And Snickers. And... I can't think of anything else, but that seems like enough.
Hubs (scoffing): Snickers don't have peanut butter.
Me: PEA-NUT-SAAAA.
My parents have head colds. We met them for dinner, toddler in tow.
Hubs: I hope you guys didn't give her syphillis or anything.
Me: Jesus!
Hubs: Wait... That's an STD, isn't it?
We have a cat named Zeke. Hubs was aggravated with him.
Hubs: Zeke, you can lick my balls.
Me: Do you want him to do that?
Hubs: No. Sandpaper. That would feel weird.
Me: So it's weird because it would feel like sandpaper, not because a cat would be licking your balls?
