I'm already in bed, under the covers and reading, when Hubs stumbles in from getting our daughter to sleep. Without a word, he tries to straddle me but misjudges and his knee lands on my thigh. As I yelp and push him away, he laughs and a tiny bit of spittle hits my cheek, which makes him laugh harder.
Me: Gah! What is wrong with you?! You break my femur and then spit in my face?!
Hubs: How can I make it a trifecta?
Me: Please don't fart on me.
Hubs: Want me to punch your boob?
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