Zoom-a Zoom Zoom

When Hubs and I were dating he made me a mix CD with the word jams in the title.

Me: The only mistake you made was not spelling Jams with a Z.  Jamz.  Like when Tara made the playlist of songs about butts and called it Ass Traxx.  With two X's.
Hubs: Ah. Not just one X?
Me: No. That would've been stupid.

Feminine Mystique

I'm removing my bra without taking my shirt off when Hubs mentions for the eightieth time that he's still fascinated by women's ability to do that. As I explain it to him, the look of wonder slowly fades and then he seems unimpressed. 

Me: Dammit! I shouldn't have explained it. A magician never gives away her tricks.
Hubs: It's okay. That's really not what I'm focused on anyway. My thought process is more like, "Bra coming off! Bra coming off! Might see boobies!"

 

Ooh, That Smell (Part Five)

Hubs is excited about his new body wash. 

Hubs: It's the same scent as my deodorant!  I'll match!
Me: You know you're the only person who notices that, right?
Hubs: I sit alone in my office all day.
Me: Wallowing in your own stench.
Hubs: Yes. So I need to smell good.

Eye of the Beholder

Me: I'm wearing my old glasses. They're not the right prescription and everything looks funny.
Hubs: So I look handsome?

Run for the Border

Both of our daughters are crying.

Hubs:  I'm moving to Mexico.
Me:  Not if I beat you there.

Digging a Hole

I'm telling Hubs about something particularly prissy our toddler did at the grocery store, which I was desperately hoping no one witnessed. He's laughing. 

Hubs: See? I told you! [Baby] is going to be just like me; the quiet athlete. And [Toddler] is going to be just like you; the. . .
Me: The. . ?
Hubs: Um. . . Ah. . . The. . . Sweet? Um. . . Social butterfly? Uh. . .
Me: Mmm-hmm.

Simple Things (and People)

We're talking about how happy our baby is.

Me: She sat in the yard tonight just playing with a stick and was perfectly content.
Hubs: I wish I could be that happy with just a stick. Of course, then I'd be retarded. So there's that.