Lower Them Again

Hubs: You know, I do have standards.
Me: [belching] You sure about that?

Gemini

GPS: Turn left on to Interstate 69 south.
Hubs: [snort-giggles like a high schooler]
Me: Really?
Hubs: Oh, c'mon. You don't want to go south on sixty-nine?

What Happens in Vegas

I've recently lost a respectable amount of weight. Hubs spots me getting out of the shower and waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Me: Thanks! I need to get back on it, though. I have until May.
Hubs: What's in May?
Me: Vegas!
Hubs: Oh, riiight. You wanna turn heads when you walk down the strip.
Me: Yup.
Hubs: Like I do when I go.
Me: Yes. I want to know what it feels like to be you.
Hubs: Some things just aren't achievable, dear.

Keeping It in the Family, Part Tres

Sometimes MadLibs take a turn for the worse...

For more awkward family moments, click here or here or here.

Caveat Emptor, Part Deux

Hubs: Are you just going to keep telling me what to do?
Me: Isn't that why you bought me?

My New YouTube Channel

Two things: Hubs and I are having chili for dinner, and our daughters are performing in a musical showcase at their elementary school.

Asshole

Preface: Hubs is bald. We're watching TV and see an ad for a hair replacement procedure.

Hubs: 'Hey, you piece of shit! You need hair! I bet you feel pretty worthless without it.'
Me: You know how that commercial made you feel? That's how every makeup commercial talks to women. Every shampoo commercial. Clothing. Skin care.
Hubs: Yeah, but some of you need it.