Run for the Border, Part Deux

We're driving in silence when Hubs starts laughing.

Me: What?
Hubs: That billboard says 'Red Hot Excitement' but I thought it said 'Red Hot Excrement'.
Me: Taco Bell ad?



For more inappropriate Mexican jokes, click here or here. 

Child Labor

My kids are scrawny.

Arms of the Angel

One of those god awful Sarah McLachlan dying animals commercials comes on TV. Then Eric McCormack (you know him -- Will from Will & Grace) pops up in the middle of it.

Me: What the hell? When did he get involved? What is it with Canadians?
Hubs: This is awkward. It looks like a community service punishment. They were like, "Yeeeaaah... he kicked a puppy. He needs to do a commercial."

Quiverfull, Part Four (so far)

Me: Hey! Just got a notification that my Amazon stuff arrived. I ordered a surprise for us! Don't get excited. But it is something useful.
Hubs: I didn't know they sold sister wives on Amazon.
Me: They sell everything on Amazon.
Hubs: Do we have to put her together?
Me: It said "some assembly required".


For more of our witty polygamy banter, click here or here or here.

Whenever, Wherever

Me: You know what's most impressive about Shakira? She had to write all her songs twice. They rhyme in English and Spanish.
Hubs: True. But what about her hips?
Me: They translate themselves.
Hubs: They're universal.


Yes, I'm still obsessed. For more Shakira, click here or here or here or here or here.

Silence is Golden

It's a lazy Sunday morning and after getting dressed Hubs crawls back into bed with me for a minute.

Hubs: How can you just be laying there doing nothing, and you just woke up, and you're still sexy?
Me: Probably because I'm not talking yet.
Hubs: That's a good start.

My Eyes Are Up Here!

We're at an amusement park when I spot the largest pair of breast implants I've ever seen outside of a documentary about mental disorders, aggressively testing the tensile strength of a tanktop that would've been snug on my six-year-old. I hiss at Hubs to check them out, and we start talking about the owner as soon as we're out of earshot.

Hubs: Wow.
Me: I know! They went from her collarbone to the bottom of her rib cage!
Hubs: WOW.
Me: Her lips were almost as big. She's had those done too.
Hubs: She had a face?
Me: Exactly.